


Little wooden cross

by Marie_fandomtrashwhore



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, the truth about Hamish's 'dead' Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 13:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18522784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_fandomtrashwhore/pseuds/Marie_fandomtrashwhore
Summary: The truth about what happened to Hamish's Love / Midnight.





	Little wooden cross

**Author's Note:**

> Usually I'm not a writer so have fun with this shit.  
> \+ I'm not a native speaker so sorry for english mistakes.

You heard him come down the stairs, but didn’t move.  
You heard him slowly approaching the living room door, pausing and signing before slowly pushing the door open.  
You heard him walking into the living room, but you couldn’t move.  
You felt his eyes on you, but yours were just emptily staring at the opposite wall.

“I’m sorry.”, he breathed out.  
So much regret.  
Too much regret.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath.  
“What for in particular?”  
Surprisingly your voice came out stronger and more confident than you felt.  
“...you know, you need to be more specific about that right now.”  
Your eyes shot open and you looked Hamish directly in the eyes, those beautiful regretful eyes.

“Everything. I just wanted to…”  
“Protect me?”, you shot back. “Do you expect me to fucking thank you?”  
You stood up and approached him and folded your hands together like for a prayer “Thank you dear Hamish! Thank you for saving my life! You’re such a fucking hero!!!”  
He closed his eyes for a second to hide his eyes flashing between human and wolf, before looking down.  
Too ashamed to look you in the eyes. 

“Look…I know, there’s nothing I can say or do to explain what I did and why I did it and nothing that would make you forgive me. And I don’t want you to. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. This is all on me and I know it, I’ve been living with it for the past years. And I would’ve never made that decision for you. No one should ever make that decision for another person. No one should ever do that to the ones they love. I regret it but I would also do it again.”  
He managed to break your facade and you started crying and stumbled a few feet back to catch your breath.  
“I would do it again because I love you and you were hurting. You said you wanted a new beginning and I knew it would always end just as messy again if the knights were still in it. If I was still in it.”  
“I would’ve always preferred a messy life with you than a ‘perfect’ one without you!”, you sobbed.  
“I know! That’s why I did what I did. Maybe it was also to protect me. So I knew that things between us didn’t end because you rejected me and this life.”, he had also started crying.  
“You didn’t have the right to choose for me.”  
“I know.”

Both of you just stood there heavily breathing for a moment.  
“Is it…”, you cleared your throat “Is it still here?”  
His face softened “Of cause!”  
“Can I see it?”  
“Sure!” he turned around and headed for the door but stopped when you weren’t following. “Y/N?”

Your eyes where watering again and suddenly you felt hesitation.  
“I’m not sure if I can do this.”  
He awkwardly offered you his hand. “If you want I’ll go and stay with you.”  
Your breath was shaking and you slowly reached for his hand.  
If was like everything else was blurry and his hand was the anchor to reality.

Together you walked out of the backdoor, through the garden and towards the tree line.  
There it was.  
Right next to the wild flowers.  
Just like you remembered.  
Hamish must have taken good care of it.  
The little wooden cross was clean and fresh flowers were laying in front of it.

You let go of Hamish hand and crunched down.  
One of your shaking hands covered your mouth to hold back the sobs, but the other one reached out.  
You let your fingers wander over the engraving on the cross.  
Athena.  
Your little girl.

You had to use both hands to steady yourself on the ground as the tears and painful screams broke out of you.  
Hamish carefully placed his hand on your shaking shoulder.

“How can you love and miss someone you never met so much?”

He sunk to his knees beside you and took you in his arms and you cried in his shoulder for who knows how long.  
It got dark at some point and the light in the house was switched on. Maybe Randall came home or that new Jack kid who let you in decided it was safe to come downstairs again.  
The first theory was underlined by Hamish turning his head towards the house and saying a few hushed words that sounded like “Go back inside, Rendall.” And “Later.”  
A closing door assured that Randall had indeed listened to his alpha and gone back inside.

Hamish lifted your face up.  
You tears had dried out at some point but you were still sobbing and shaking.  
Everything felt numb, and you just held onto Hamish eyes.

He steadied your head with both hands. “So…you really remember? Everything?”  
“I think so, yeah. Everything.”  
He took in a sharp breath.  
“We had that talk before. It wasn’t your fault, Hamish!”  
“I pushed that witch aside. If I wouldn’t have her curse wouldn’t have got you.”, he swallowed down a wave of tears before he continued, his voice breaking a little. “Athena wouldn’t have had to pay the prize.”  
“We all know that’s bullshit. You saw her aiming at Randall and saved his life. I would never be mad for saving your friends life. You couldn’t have known. I never ever blamed you! I was just so angry at everything. At the world. How could anyone dare to take my unborn baby away from me? Just like that? I was angry at myself cause what is my ‘superpower’ good for if I couldn’t even protect her? Why was I so foolish to think going out there pregnant was a good idea?”  
You took a deep breath and stopped looking at Hamish to face the little cross again.  
“I was angry at Midnight and so I pushed her back and stopped using my powers, which made me even angrier.”  
Hamish gave you a shocked look “I never thought that you blamed yourself? Cause it was nowhere near your fault?”  
“Guess we should’ve talked more at that time.”  
“If it would’ve been that easy.”  
“Yeah, but then we could’ve saved us all this trouble with you erasing my memories.”  
Before he could answer you talked on. “And I kind of get it now, but it was still stupid and evil!”

“You know…I wanted to propose to you…”, he took a ring out of his pocket. “I thought we would last forever, maybe I’m silly to think we still could after I ruined everything, but I always carried that ring around with me after I erased your memory.”  
“I’m not gonna marry you now?”  
He smirked at the way you said ‘now’. “What I’m trying to say is that after that day I thought it would never be like before, I was afraid that you would never be like before. Which was dumb and selfish of me cause how could you after what happened? I was a different man too. Hell, I still am. It took me some time to get that and it was already too late.”  
You signed and placed a hand on his cheek while giving him a sad smile.  
“I really missed you Hamish Duke. Even if I forgot about you I missed you every day for the past years.”  
He let out a shaky breath before shifting away from your hand. “Like I said, I’m a different man now. I’m a fucking alcoholic, I dropped out of pre-law to study philosophy so I can feel like I will become a better human being, I guess?? And now my parents hate me and Randall hated me for quite a while, maybe he still does. Which is only fair, considering I took away his best friend without a warning. Sometimes I’m also angry at him, cause he looks at me like I’m about to break and I don’t need his pity. Especially not his. I don’t want you to be angry at him tho. You need him more than ever now and he always wanted to get your memories back but as his alpha I stopped him. There was a fight for dominance. He lost and since then we never talked about it again.”

“I want my spot in the pack back.”, you demanded. “and besides Midnights thoughts beta will be just fine, don’t worry.”  
“I was expecting nothing else, but you deserve the alpha title more than me I guess. Even after the other two get to know what I did. Do you wanna go inside? We have two new knights…” he looked towards the house and unimpressed lifted an eyebrow. “…and as it seems they’re all dying to meet you.”  
You turned your head towards the house and saw three shadows disappearing at the living room window.  
“Ok.”  
Hamish stood up and lifted you up with him. “You ok?”  
You were still a bit weak on your legs. “I’m gonna be.”  
Then you walked back towards the house in silence after sending one last look towards the little wooden cross.

Hamish opened the back door and you could hear talking from the living room.  
“But he told me she was dead!”, you recognized that Jack kids voice.  
“Dude, he lied. Her being dead was a lot easier to cope with than the real shit that went down.”  
“RANDALL!”, you breathlessly screamed and run the last few steps towards the living room door.  
The second you reached the door Randall had reached you and you immediately pulled each other in a bone crushing hug.  
You hid your face in his neck and inhaled his familiar scent while tears streamed down your face. “Gosh I missed you, Ren.”  
He stepped back, grabbed your shoulders and held you an arm length away from him to look at you. “I missed you too Y/N. I can’t believe your back!”, he gave you one of the huge famous Randall smiles and you just had to smile with him.  
“Yeah…here I am.”, you nearly laughed cause you started for feel relived now.  
“No thanks to you tho.”, you could even joke now, but Rendall smile faded immediately “No! I’m joking! Sorry..”  
“I’m sorry. I really am!”  
Randall led you to the couch as Hamish was making some drinks for everyone, but first taking a shot himself.  
Now you also noticed the Jack kid sitting in an armchair and a curious and kind of on ease looking woman leaning against the bar.  
Hamish noticed where you were looking as he handed out the drinks. “This is Lilith.”, he says pointing at the girl. “Timber.”  
There wasn’t any change in her facial expression but you still send her a polite smile and nod.  
He handed you your drink, which you thankfully took, before pointing at Jack “and yeah you already met Jack. Silverback.”  
Jack gave you a little wave and you replied with a sorry smile “I’m sorry about earlier. I was being quite…”  
“Dominant?”, Jack offered.  
Hamish kind of nodded in agreement with a thoughtful face.  
“Yeah maybe that. I guess Midnight took over for a moment. You know, I used to be the alpha until something happened and I gave that position to Hamish and then other things happened which cause Hamish to do shit and led us here and she’s still pissed at me for giving that position up.”  
“Fair enough.”, Jack smiled and sipped on his drink.  
“And where were you all the time and why are you back all of the sudden?”, Lilith spoke up.  
“THAT is a long story. Honestly I’m not in the mood to go to more emotional trauma today so maybe we explain that another time, I hope you understand that?”, you gave her an honest smile to show her that you really meant it and she responded with a small nod.  
Hamish also seemed to agree with you.

“But you need to explain how you got you memories back!”, Rendall whined.  
“Ok. I was at the store and there was this couple that was joking around and I just stared at them till someone asked me if I’m okay cause I was crying, but I didn’t even know I was crying or what for. That used to happen to me a lot in the past few years in various situations. I got really confused and left the store and walked back to campus. I needed a place to think so I headed for the library since I had to give back a few books anyway. So I sat down and sorted which book to give back and which I still needed and suddenly this boy came up to me and said ‘So you’re the one that has the book I need. I’ve been trying to get it for weeks!’”  
“That’s how we met?”, Hamish noted confused.  
“Exactly! And I thought ‘That’s how I met Hamish!’ but yeah ‘Who’s Hamish?’ and then everything came back to me and I had a full panic attack in the library. The poor boy thought it was his fault. I could barely stop myself from shifting so I just ran off and ended up here.”  
No one said something, but what was there to say anyway?  
“So, tell me what you’ve been up two and how Silverback and Timber finally got involved?”, you offered.

Randall went really wild with telling you everything the knights did the past few years.  
At some point you looked over to Hamish who was leaning against the wall with his drink.  
You gave each other a small smile and in that moment you knew that someday everything is gonna be okay again.


End file.
